About Mater the Bad Goggy

The King himself, Mater

Hi,

My name is Mater. I'm named after that tow truck in Cars, "the worlds best backwards driver." I'm not very good at backwards driving though. No mirrors. So I just knock stuff over until it's out of my way. Or I ram my body into it to push it out of my way. But, you know what I'm good at!?! Scratch that. You know what I'm great at!?! I am the awesomest at eating socks, bras, trash, swing sets, couches, beds, glass. Well, pretty much anything within my reach. If I happen to see it, I eat it. I mean, after all, I remember very clearly that my human owners said their home was my buffet. It was right after I got my head stuck under the bed because I tried to eat the mattress, my owner lady said, "Sure, eat whatever you want puppy! I'll just buy another bed, you can eat this one!" Or something like that, but I'm pretty sure that's how it went. Just in case though, I usually make them think I'm sleeping. They like me when I'm sleeping. Then, when they leave the room, that's when I make my move. For some reason, my lady owner likes to get clean every morning. That's when I like to eat her clothes. Or the furniture. The couch is pretty tasty. I like a big breakfast to start my day, but she doesn't seem to like that. She always wakes me up from my post-binging nap to tell me so. Then I wag my tale and curl up by her feet. After a few minutes she calls me bad names while she scratches by my ear. The rest of the day I just grab whatever I can reach when no one is looking. I'm pretty good at being sneaky. Sometimes I get too excited about it though, and run in front of my owners to show them what I'm eating. They don't think it's as fun as I do, I'm not sure why. But I guess that's my story. I sleep, wait, and sneak. That's how I roll...